I went to a Chinese wedding!

"Hoy, mate, do you want to go to a wedding next week?"

In the first 23.4 years I've spent wandering the Earth, I had never been to a matrimonial celebration, therefore I didn't really hesitate when my buddy Jack asked me if I wanted to go.

The sight of a laowai going downtown Gongyi is enough to make heads turn every time, but the sight of five laowai in suits and ties riding their mopeds actually created a commotion, with all these people stopping their activities to stare in awe. I wonder if we got a mention in Gongyi Daily.

We got into this nice hotel and the celebration started soon after. When the convoy arrived in front of the hotel, it was welcomed by a loud concerto of thunderflashes and other fireworks. Chinese people think there is something very ceremonial about random explosions.

It was a civilian wedding, nothing churchy about it, it is China after all, atheism rules supreme... in your face Jesus! The master of ceremony, a man wearing a nice shiny red jacket covered in shredded cardboard from the fireworks, was entertaining the crowd with songs and jokes that I didn't get, because I'm still not Chinese enough. Workin' on it...

The bride and groom then proceeded to the stage, accompanied by a very epic classical music track that would belong in some medieval war movie more than at a wedding. Then, the foam machine had a technical problem of some sort, not enough water perhaps, because besides shooting bubbles it also shot solid soap particles. The man with the facepaint on the pictures is the bride's father. Why is he like that, fouille-moé.

After the declarations of "wo ai ni" (I love you), the just married couple then proceeded to fill up the nice display of wine cups. But instead of wine they used Coca-Cola.

Also worth mentioning is since we had the Laowai Superstar Status (LSS), we were begged to go to the front and do a speech. I couldn't say more than "wo bu shi mei guo ren, wo shi jia na da ren" but Jack and Ryan managed to express their wishes of prosperity and happiness, thanks to their Chinese skillz superior than mine.

The best part of the ceremony was of course the meal that followed. China never fails to deliver when it comes to food, there was enough to feed a battalion there. Take a look for yourself:

What I feared the most then came: baijiu time. This evil poison was poured in copious amounts, I took a shot with the groom just to be polite but it almost turned my stomach upside down. My body still remembers the night of September 12th, 2008.

Weddings kick ass. Above all, it was all free. I can't wait for the next one (I HOPE there is gonna be a next one!).

****** EDIT ******

(Tuesday, October 14th)

There WAS a next one! Jackson, the foreign teachers's appartments superintendant, asked me if I wanted go to a wedding... Tuesday during daytime. Fack yea! Two Chinese weddings in four days!

After my morning class, I just joined the group. The wedding took place in a small farm not very far from the school, so we just walked there. As a reminder, Cheng Gong Xueyuan (my college) is just on the border of the actual city. Behind it, there are nice hills, valleys and farm areas.

Therefore, the wedding had a more "traditional" vibe and thus, was a bit cooler than the first one, held in a hotel. The celebration was outdoors, in this nice small farm. Of course, as we got there, we got the LSS (Laowai Superstar Status) and despite the fact that I have at least two degrees of separation with anybody in the audience, I was asked to perform a speech, along with Mike, the other foreign teacher that came along. Mike quickly outshined me though, being a black man who can speak some Chinese.

Then of course, the gargantuan meal. I fucking love Chinese weddings!

When's the next one???